Discernment Counseling

Discernment Counseling:
Gaining Clarity, Confidence, and Understanding

At Insights Counseling Center, we understand that not all couples who come to therapy are on the same page about the future of their marriage. Some may feel committed to working on the relationship, while others may be leaning toward separation or divorce. In these moments of uncertainty, Discernment Counseling provides a structured, compassionate approach to help couples gain clarity, confidence, and understanding about their next steps.

What Is Discernment Counseling?

Discernment Counseling is a specialized, short-term process designed for couples who are unsure whether to stay together or part ways. It’s not traditional couples therapy focused on resolving relationship problems but rather a process to explore the state of the marriage and decide on its future direction.

The primary goal of Discernment Counseling is to help couples achieve:

• Clarity: Understanding where each partner stands in the relationship and what their true desires and concerns are.

• Confidence: Feeling assured about the next steps, whether it’s to work on the marriage or move toward separation.

• Understanding: Gaining insight into what has happened in the marriage, including each person’s contributions to the issues.

This process honors the ambivalence many couples feel and creates a safe space to explore the dynamics of the relationship without pressure or judgment.

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How Does Discernment Counseling Work?

Discernment Counseling typically involves 1-5 sessions double sessions and is structured differently from traditional couples therapy. The process includes:

1. Individual and Joint Sessions: Each session is a combination of time spent together as a couple and individual conversations with the counselor. This allows each partner to share their perspectives, free from influence or interruption.

2. Identifying Paths Forward: Together, you and your counselor will explore three potential paths:

   • Continue the marriage as it is.

   • Move toward separation or divorce.

   • Commit to a period of focused couples therapy to work on the relationship.

3. Understanding Contributions: A critical component of Discernment Counseling is helping each partner reflect on their role in the relationship’s challenges. This deeper understanding fosters personal growth, regardless of the outcome.

4. Customized Support: Whether one partner is leaning toward divorce or both are uncertain, the counselor helps guide the conversation with compassion and neutrality, ensuring both voices are heard.

"Discernment Counseling is not about fixing the marriage or ending it; it’s about helping people find clarity and confidence in their decision-making, based on a deeper understanding of what has happened to their marriage and each person’s contributions to the problems."
– Dr. William J. Doherty

At Insights Counseling Center, we specialize in helping couples and families navigate complex relational dynamics. We recognize that every relationship is unique, and our therapeutic approach is carefully designed to address your specific challenges and goals. Whether you and your partner are grappling with uncertainty about your marriage, struggling with communication breakdowns, or facing the emotional toll of difficult decisions, our team is here to provide the guidance and support you need.

Who Is Discernment Counseling For?

Discernment Counseling is ideal for couples who:

• Are ambivalent about staying in the relationship.

• Have one partner more committed to saving the marriage than the other.

• Feel stuck in repetitive arguments or cycles of blame but are unsure about divorce.

• Want to make a thoughtful decision about their marriage’s future rather than rushing into action.

This process is not suited for couples where abuse, coercion, or safety concerns are present. In those cases, other specialized interventions are necessary.

What Can You Expect from Discernment Counseling?

By the end of the Discernment Counseling process, you can expect to:

• Feel More Informed: Gain a clear understanding of the relationship’s dynamics and challenges.

• Have Greater Confidence: Be better equipped to make a decision about the next steps in your marriage.

• Foster Respect and Care: Even if the decision is to part ways, the process helps couples navigate separation with dignity and compassion.

For those who choose to work on the marriage, Discernment Counseling often serves as a bridge to traditional couples therapy, providing a stronger foundation for growth and change.

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