Therapy for Betrayal Trauma

Are You Struggling To Process Your Partner’s Inappropriate Extramarital Behaviors?

Has a recent betrayal illuminated your partner’s sex or porn addiction? 

Are you shocked, stuck, and overwhelmed, wondering how you didn’t notice the warning signs?

Do you find yourself unable to think about anything other than the infidelity? 

You may feel like your life imploded in an instant. The safety and trust you once maintained as a couple have now been shattered, and you are left to pick up the pieces—alone, confused, and wondering how your relationship can survive. You may find yourself questioning your reality or experiencing dissociation due to all of the stress you’ve been through.

As A Betrayed Partner, You May Have Been Traumatized

According to the experts who study the effects of betrayal, “The partner of a sex addict has responses that serve as reactions to a stressor that is traumatic in nature, in predictable, emotional, and psychological ways.”¹ In other words, many partners of sex and porn addicts develop physical and emotional symptoms that mirror Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) when a betrayal is discovered or disclosed. 

If you’ve recently discovered your partner’s addiction, you are likely “flooded” by your emotions or struggling with emotional dysregulation, which is an inability to manage distress. Caught between feelings of grief and anger, you may be considering leaving the relationship altogether. 

But your partner wants you to stay. They may be offering up affirmations that give you a sense of false hope by telling you things like, “I wanted you to catch me because I was ready to stop,” “I can change,” or “I will never do that again.” It’s very likely that their past or present behaviors have gaslighted you somehow, causing you to question your own perception of things or wonder if you’re to blame for the betrayal. Not to mention, changes in your partner’s sexual conduct may have caused you to feel uncomfortable, unsafe, or violated. 

You feel alone in your experience, with nowhere to look for support. Whether you’re humiliated by or ashamed of your partner's addiction, you probably don’t have very many people in your life with whom you can freely discuss the betrayal. You know that your friends and family might encourage you to leave the relationship, and you feel guilty or wrong somehow for wanting to reconcile. If there are children involved, your stress is further complicated by the fact that you can’t discuss the betrayal openly at home or feel the need to stay in the relationship for their sake. 

Between the shock of discovery, the trauma of betrayal, and the self-blame and denial involved with infidelity, it can be very difficult to know how to put the pieces of your life back together. But in individual, couples, and group therapy for betrayal trauma, you can find an empathetic, understanding community that will help you heal.

There Is Hope For Healing; Send Us A Message!

Infidelity Is Common But Rarely Discussed

Because infidelity is such a hushed and secretive topic, precise statistics on extramarital affairs are hard to pin down. However, betrayals are nevertheless common occurrences in our culture. 

It’s estimated that close to 22 percent of married men and 14 percent of married women have committed “an adulterous act at least once in their lifetimes.”² In over half of these cases, the betrayed partner is unaware of the extramarital activity—speaking to how blindsiding and disarming it can be to discover a partner’s sex or porn addiction.

But addictions are a unique form of betrayal, as typically, the immediate concern is ensuring the addicted partner’s recovery. This can cause the betrayed partner to de-prioritize their emotions, blame themselves for the addiction, and brush their experience under the rug. 

The truth is, if you’re the partner of a sex or porn addict, you have been impacted by your partner’s behaviors. The relational trauma you’ve endured has destroyed your sense of safety and trust. Yet, that’s precisely why your healing has to happen inside of a trusted relationship. 

With the insights of a betrayal trauma therapist and support group, you can be given an opportunity to process your experience and navigate the chaos of deception and infidelity.

Therapy For Betrayal Trauma Offers Hope And Healing

Though you may feel isolated by your partner’s sex or porn addiction, there is a whole community of betrayal trauma specialists and survivors. In fact, the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS) has developed an entire curriculum for supporting betrayed partners called the Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model. 

At Insights Counseling Center, we incorporate this model—alongside International Institute for Trauma & Addiction Professionals (IITAP) training—into individual, couples, and group therapy for betrayal trauma. Our practice owners, Tal and Teresa Prince, maintain the most up-to-date training on sex/porn addiction and betrayal trauma. Teresa has completed specialty training through APSATS and is a Certified Clinical Partner Specialist (CCPS). Tal has been certified as a partner trauma Certified Partner Trauma Therapist (CPTT) through IITAP since 2013. The Early Recovery Couples Empathy Model (ERCEM) is also a tenet of our treatment for betrayed partners.

We understand that you may be experiencing a wide range of emotions (including symptoms of PTSD) and wavering between wanting to leave your partner for good and not being able to imagine life without them. Our team doesn’t approach therapy with an agenda, and we recognize the extreme stress you’re under as a couple. Therefore, our main goal is to get you to a place of healing and wholeness in which you can imagine a brighter future. 

The Therapeutic Process At Insights Counseling Center

Using an IITAP assessment, we will determine the extent of trauma and develop an appropriate treatment plan as needed. Depending on your needs, you may benefit from either couples counseling, individual therapy, or co-therapy for betrayal trauma, which combines individual and couples work. Co-therapy is a unique approach that allows each spouse to have the support of their own clinician while giving each individual therapist an opportunity to observe the partnership dynamic. 

With the guidance of the Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model, we start establishing safety and stability for the partner. This is offered with your individual therapist, and in partner groups, where you can find healing and community. Initially, our group therapy opportunities are available to both sex addicts and their partners respectively. This makes the recovery experience less isolating and is key to healing from relational trauma. Eventually, with a base of recovery and stabilization, couples groups are available to further expand the benefits of healing in community.  

To address the impact of trauma specifically, we incorporate a variety of trauma-informed methods into therapy. These include Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Brainspotting, and Neurofeedback to help you navigate intrusive thoughts, anxiety, and depression following the betrayal. We also work with each of you (whether you’re in couples therapy or separate individual counseling) to determine your strengths so that both of you can facilitate stronger communication and problem-solving skills within the relationship. 

We know that you would never choose betrayal as a part of your love story, but therapy can help you understand yourself and your trauma in ways that will help you heal and chart a new path forward. Many of our clients have reported healthier connections with their family, friends, children, and themselves as a result of counseling—and they have been able to find meaningful clarity in their intimate relationships. 

You are not isolated in your experience, and you did not cause this betrayal to happen. Let us walk the path toward hope together so that you can heal.

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