What to Expect in Your First Discernment Counseling Session
Discernment counseling is designed to help couples facing uncertainty about their relationship find clarity and confidence in their next steps. The first session is a structured and intentional process that allows both partners to share their perspectives, explore their feelings, and decide whether to continue with the process. Here’s an overview of what you can expect during your initial session.
1. Couple Time: Setting the Stage
The session begins with both partners together in the room. This is an opportunity for each person to share their hopes and expectations for the session. The therapist will create a safe space for both partners to speak openly and be heard without judgment. During this time, the therapist will:
Invite each partner to articulate what they hope to gain from the session.
Provide an overview of the discernment counseling process, including its purpose and structure.
Set the tone for collaborative and compassionate exploration.
2. Joint Questions from the Therapist
While the couple is together, the therapist will ask specific questions designed to help each partner reflect on their feelings about the relationship. These questions may include topics such as:
What brought you to discernment counseling?
What are your current concerns about the relationship?
What do you see as the strengths and challenges of your partnership?
Each partner’s responses will be directed to the therapist, ensuring a safe and neutral space for honest expression. The goal is to gather initial insights into where each person stands and what they hope to explore further.
3. Individual Time: Exploring Perspectives
After the joint discussion, the session shifts to individual time. This allows each partner to speak privately with the therapist and share their thoughts, emotions, and concerns in greater depth. Here’s how it works:
Partner 1’s Individual Time
Partner 1 remains in the room with the therapist while Partner 2 waits in the lobby or another designated space.
The therapist will ask reflective questions to help Partner 1 explore their feelings, goals, and any uncertainties about the relationship.
This is a time for honest, personal reflection without fear of judgment or immediate reaction from their partner.
Brief Couple Time: Sharing Insights
After Partner 1’s individual time, the couple comes back together for a brief discussion.
Partner 1 has the opportunity to share any insights they’ve gained or express their willingness to move forward with the process.
This segment helps foster understanding and connection before switching roles.
Partner 2’s Individual Time
Partner 2 then takes their turn to speak privately with the therapist while Partner 1 waits in the lobby.
Similar to Partner 1’s session, this is an opportunity for Partner 2 to reflect on their thoughts and feelings about the relationship.
The therapist will ask questions tailored to their unique perspective, helping them articulate their hopes and concerns.
4. Final Couple Time: Sharing and Next Steps
The session concludes with both partners back together for a brief check-out. During this time:
Each partner can share highlights from their individual conversations, if they feel comfortable.
The therapist will help clarify any key takeaways from the session.
The couple will discuss whether they are willing to meet for another session.
The therapist’s role here is to ensure that both partners feel heard and supported in making the decision to continue or pause the discernment counseling process.
Decision to Meet Again
At the end of the first session (and each subsequent session), the couple and therapist will decide together whether to schedule another session. There is no obligation to continue, and the decision is based on each partner’s willingness to further explore their relationship and options.
Subsequent Sessions: Building Toward Clarity
Subsequent sessions (Sessions 2 through 5) will follow the same format as the first session. Each session will provide time for joint discussions, individual reflections, and shared insights. Throughout these sessions, the couple and therapist will collaboratively identify and build a framework for what would be addressed should the couple choose to transition to six months of couples therapy (Option 3). This ongoing process ensures that if the couple decides to commit to therapy, they will have clear goals and a shared understanding of the work ahead.
Why the First Session Matters
The first discernment counseling session is a crucial step in understanding where each partner stands and what they need to move forward. By creating space for open dialogue, individual reflection, and shared insights, the process sets the foundation for thoughtful and informed decision-making. Whether the couple decides to stay together, separate, or commit to focused therapy, the first session provides clarity and direction for the next steps.
If you’re ready to take the next step in understanding your relationship and exploring your options, schedule a session with a therapist trained in discernment counseling today. They can help guide you through this structured process with compassion and expertise.