Seeing TRAUMA with Sara

What classifies something as a traumatic event? We all have different perceptions of it. We all are affected differently by trauma. What one person might perceive as traumatic, another might view as not a big deal. In my work as a therapist specializing in trauma, I have seen a variety of symptoms as a result of unprocessed trauma. Abuse, neglect, car accidents, sexual assault, bullying, divorce, separation from family, loss of a loved one, illness, unexpected life transitions, and comorbid mental health issues have all landed kids and adolescents in my office as they try to navigate life after experiencing one of these traumas.

What Does Trauma Look Like?

teen female watching violent show with knife drawn

 A traumatic event is classified as an experience that involves threatened death or serious injury that is either directly experienced by the person or is when the person witnesses somebody else experience a traumatic event where death or serious injury is involved. Research has found that witnessing a character in movies or on TV go through a traumatic event can have the same traumatic effects on a person, as well as watching videos of somebody else experiencing a scary event. Children show unprocessed signs of trauma usually through repetitive play or asking the same questions multiple times. They also present with physical symptoms such as stomach aches, headaches, pain, etc. Children dealing with trauma can also engage in separation anxiety at ages when it is developmentally inappropriate. Adolescents, on the other hand, tend to internalize their trauma in a variety of ways. Sometimes it will show up as anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts/ideations, extreme isolation, or irritability. This internalization can stem from guilt, shame, extreme sadness, anger, and intense fear.

How You Can Help As A Parent

When parents bring their kids in to see me, they are fearful that their child is suffering, and they are noticing behavior changes that have happened after their child experienced something traumatic or witnessed somebody else go through it. They feel helpless that they can’t connect with their child and don’t know how to help them so that’s why they’ve brought them to me. My main goal in writing this blog post is to help educate parents on ways in which they can become more of a resource for their child who has experienced trauma.

The easiest way to show up for your child is to engage in active listening. Don’t dismiss their feelings or their perceptions of the experience. Use the same language they do instead of putting words in their mouth. This will come across as a misinterpretation or will feel like they are being dismissed from their own reality. A common thread I’ve noticed in my kid and adolescent patients is that they blame themselves or feel guilty for what happened to them or to someone they witnessed. A big part of the work I do is helping them externalize that guilt, examine it, and find evidence that doesn’t support it. As a professional, I am trained in specific certifications such as EMDR and TF-CBT to help clients fully engage in this externalization process. As parents, however, the best way to jumpstart this process is by hearing and appreciating what your child is feeling and letting them know that it’s normal for them to feel that way. Reinforce the fact that it’s not their fault but allow your child multiple opportunities to communicate self-blame to you while additionally teaching them positive self-talk.

When you open up the type of dialogue with your child that gives them the power and autonomy to tell their story and their perception of the experience, then you are also giving yourself a gift as a parent. You are becoming more of a resource for your child to lean on for support and trust when they are thinking or feeling negative thoughts and emotions. These things might scare them or cause them to shut down because they’re worried they’ll scare others if they tell them what’s going on. Allow your child to speak their truth, and don’t try to correct or condemn them for doing so. Normalize their emotions and let them know you love them no matter what they’re thinking or feeling. When you are able to do this, then your child will start to be able to see you as an outlet to turn to as they try to process the trauma.

Do you question the impact of experiences on your child? If you want to schedule your teen therapy with me, email me or contact the office to schedule an appointment.

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The Art of Compassionate Assertiveness

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