The Art of Compassionate Assertiveness

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you were afraid to speak up for yourself? Or perhaps you’ve been accused of being too aggressive when asserting your needs and boundaries?

Finding the balance between being assertive and compassionate can be challenging. However, it's essential in order to communicate effectively and build healthy relationships.

What is Compassionate Assertiveness?

Compassionate assertiveness is a communication style that prioritizes both your needs and the needs of the other person. It involves standing up for what you believe in while staying respectful and understanding towards others.

Can you value yourself
and value the other person
in a difficult conversation?

While assertiveness alone is about being bold and direct with your thoughts and feelings, compassion serves to temper the conversation and make sure both parties feel heard and respected. It’s an essential skill for dealing with relationship conflicts, negotiating with coworkers, and expressing our own boundaries.

How to Practice Compassionate Assertiveness

Here are some tips on how to become more assertive while maintaining a compassionate attitude:

• Identify your emotions: Pay attention to how you feel during the conversation and stay aware of what is being said. Once you identify your emotions, take a moment to consider how they are manifesting in your body.

• Speak with clarity: Start your conversation by expressing your feelings in a clear but compassionate manner. When you can avoid being accusatory or using aggressive language, it shifts the focus to what you need and how you feel rather than placing blame on others.

• Listen actively: Acknowledge the other person’s feelings and try to understand their perspective. This not only shows that you care about them but also helps you navigate a solution that's satisfying for both parties.

• Be open to compromise: Compassionate assertiveness means being open to finding common ground and being willing to compromise as a way to smooth the way forward for a better outcome.

• Practice self-care: Learning to be assertive is a process, and it needs time, patience, and reflection. Take care of yourself through the process, whether through talk therapy or practicing mindfulness to help you become more centered and focused.

The Compassionate Assertiveness Formula

GIVE DATA

When I heard you say OR When I saw you do _________.

THOUGHTS

What I thought about that is _____________.

(you can include here what you believe the other values here)

EMOTIONS

About that, I feel ___________.

COMPASSIONATE ASSERTIVENESS

In the future, I would request/ prefer _______________.

Conclusion

In a world where being heard and respected is important, understanding how to communicate with others in a compassionate, assertive manner is crucial. By prioritizing the needs and emotions of both yourself and the other person, you will improve your relationship with yourself and with others. Remember, compassionate assertiveness is an ongoing learning journey- you never stop working on it.

If you feel you would like to work on communicating with compassionate assertiveness, our therapists can help you in couples counseling, group work, or intensives to heal, improve, and grow your relationships. Email us or connect through our contact page to schedule an appointment.