What to Expect in the First Sessions of Gottman Therapy
Starting couples therapy can feel like a big step—and when you’re already feeling overwhelmed or disconnected, the idea of sharing your struggles with a stranger might feel daunting. That’s why Gottman Method therapy begins with a clear structure. We want you to feel grounded, not guessing.
If you’re wondering what your first few sessions will look like, here’s a walk-through of how we begin and why it’s designed that way. Whether you’re navigating conflict, rebuilding trust, or just feeling like you’ve lost your rhythm as a couple, this process is the beginning of your roadmap back to connection.
The First Sessions Are About Understanding Your Relationship, Not Judging It
Unlike therapy models that dive into problem-solving right away, Gottman Method therapy begins with assessment and discovery. Our goal is to understand the full picture of your relationship—what’s working, what’s not, and what’s underneath the struggles.
We typically begin with a series of sessions that include:
A joint session where you and your partner meet together with your therapist to share your story and what brought you in.
Individual sessions where each partner meets one-on-one with the therapist. This allows space for personal experiences, emotional safety, and honesty without worrying about how your partner might react.
A research-based assessment—either through the Gottman Relationship Checkup or, in some cases, a recorded conversation through the Love Lab. This gives us a scientifically grounded picture of your relationship dynamics.
A feedback session where your therapist shares what they’ve learned, including your relationship’s strengths, areas for growth, and specific goals that will guide your work together.
Why We Start This Way
Drs. John and Julie Gottman’s decades of research found that couples who thrive long-term aren’t those who never fight—but those who handle conflict constructively, stay emotionally connected, and keep turning toward each other even when life gets hard.
This assessment phase helps us answer questions like:
How do you respond to conflict?
How emotionally connected do you feel?
What’s your friendship like beneath the stress?
Are there patterns that keep playing out in your fights?
Where do trust and commitment stand right now?
We’re not here to label or shame you. We’re here to help you see your relationship with clarity—and to help both of you feel seen.
You’ll Leave With a Plan—Not Just a Vague Hope
At the end of the initial sessions, your therapist will sit down with you and share a personalized plan for your work together. This treatment plan will include:
Your relationship’s strengths—so you know what to lean on.
Your challenges—so you can name what’s hard with compassion.
Specific goals—aligned with the Gottman Sound Relationship House framework.
A roadmap for sessions—so you know what’s coming and why it matters.
Some couples come in with years of pain and disconnection. Others come because something’s just a little off. No matter where you fall on that spectrum, Gottman therapy offers a structure that helps you move forward.
From Assessment to Action
Once the assessment phase is complete, you and your therapist will move into the heart of the work. You’ll begin learning practical tools—how to express your needs without criticism, how to repair after conflict, how to feel emotionally safe with each other again.
Because every couple is different, the tools will be tailored to your unique patterns, attachment needs, and hopes for your relationship.
Some of the themes we’ll explore include:
Understanding and addressing the Four Horsemen of conflict
Deepening your emotional intimacy and friendship
Creating rituals of connection and shared meaning
Building trust, especially after betrayal or disconnection
Supporting one another’s dreams and personal growth
Each session builds on the last, helping you strengthen not only your communication, but your emotional bond.
A Roadmap Toward Real Change
It’s one thing to want a better relationship. It’s another thing to know how to build it. The Gottman Method is more than just conversation—it’s a roadmap. And the first few sessions are where we draw that map together.
Whether you’re looking to heal, reconnect, or simply invest in the future of your relationship, we’re here to walk with you.
Ready to Take the First Step?
If you and your partner are considering Gottman Method therapy, we’d be honored to guide you through the process. Schedule a session with one of our specialty-trained couples therapists to begin your journey.