Understanding Trauma: The Difference Between Interpersonal and Intrapersonal Safety

Trauma can change the way we move through the world. It can shift how we see others, how we experience relationships, and even how we feel within ourselves. One of the biggest struggles trauma survivors face is the need to feel safe—both externally with others and internally within their own mind and body.

When we talk about safety in the context of healing, we often focus on physical safety, ensuring we’re out of harm’s way. But emotional safety is just as important, and it exists in two key forms: interpersonal safety and intrapersonal safety. Understanding these can be a crucial step in your healing journey.

Interpersonal Safety: Trusting Others Again

Interpersonal safety refers to feeling secure in relationships with others. When someone experiences trauma—especially trauma involving abuse, neglect, betrayal, or violence—it can be difficult to trust people again. Your nervous system may remain on high alert, interpreting even minor social interactions as threats. This can make it challenging to form close relationships or feel at ease around others.

Signs that you may be struggling with interpersonal safety include:

• Feeling anxious or hypervigilant in social situations

• Avoiding close relationships or struggling to maintain them

• Fear of being judged, abandoned, or betrayed

• Feeling the need to control relationships to avoid getting hurt

• Finding it difficult to express emotions or ask for help

Healing interpersonal safety means rebuilding trust—not just in others, but in your ability to navigate relationships. This often starts by surrounding yourself with safe, supportive people who respect your boundaries and by working with a therapist who can help you process past relational wounds.

Intrapersonal Safety: Feeling Safe Within Yourself

While interpersonal safety focuses on relationships with others, intrapersonal safety is about your relationship with yourself. It means feeling emotionally secure within your own mind and body. For many trauma survivors, their inner world doesn’t always feel like a safe place. Intrusive thoughts, self-criticism, flashbacks, or overwhelming emotions can make being alone with oneself distressing.

Signs of struggling with intrapersonal safety include:

• Difficulty regulating emotions or feeling emotionally overwhelmed

• Persistent self-criticism or negative self-talk

• Feeling disconnected from your body or emotions (dissociation)

• Engaging in self-harm or other self-destructive behaviors

• Struggling to trust your own perceptions, decisions, or worth

Developing intrapersonal safety means learning how to be with yourself in a compassionate and nonjudgmental way. This may include mindfulness practices, self-soothing techniques, or therapy approaches that help you rebuild trust with yourself.

How to Cultivate Both Forms of Safety

Healing from trauma involves working on both interpersonal and intrapersonal safety. Here are some steps to help you foster both:

1. Identify Safe People and Environments

• Surround yourself with supportive friends, family, or a therapist who respects your boundaries and emotional needs.

• Notice where you feel safe versus where you feel triggered, and adjust accordingly.

2. Set and Enforce Boundaries

• Learning to say “no” and protecting your emotional space can be an essential part of rebuilding trust in others and yourself.

• Establishing boundaries helps you feel more in control of your relationships and interactions.

3. Practice Self-Compassion

• Talk to yourself as you would a friend. If you catch yourself being self-critical, reframe your thoughts with kindness.

• Remind yourself that healing is a process, and you deserve patience.

4. Develop Emotional Regulation Skills

• Engage in grounding techniques like deep breathing, journaling, or body movement (such as yoga or stretching) to help regulate overwhelming emotions.

• Work with a therapist to develop tools to manage distressing thoughts and feelings.

5. Reconnect with Your Body

• Trauma often disconnects us from our bodies. Mindfulness, breathwork, and even gentle physical activity can help re-establish a sense of presence and safety.

• Pay attention to what your body needs—whether it’s rest, nourishment, movement, or relaxation.

6. Seek Professional Support

• Trauma-informed therapy can help you process past wounds and develop strategies to feel safe in relationships and within yourself.

• Therapies such as EMDR, Brainspotting, neurofeedback, and cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can be particularly helpful in addressing trauma responses.

You Deserve to Feel Safe

If trauma has made the world—or even your own mind—feel unsafe, please know that healing is possible. You are not broken, and you do not have to navigate this alone. Safety is not just about avoiding danger; it’s about creating an internal and external space where you can truly exist without fear. If you’re ready to take steps toward feeling more secure in yourself and your relationships, our therapists at Insights Counseling Center are here to help. Reach out today to schedule a session and begin your journey to reclaiming your sense of safety.