Is Your Relationship One-Sided? How to Tell
Relationships are hard. All relationships include conflict at times. If you feel you are the driving force behind your relationship and that your partner does not put as much effort into the relationship, then it could be one-sided. However, if you’re in a healthy relationship, you get through things together as a team.
The Importance of a Balanced Relationship
A healthy relationship is one where both partners feel supported, loved, cared for, and they can trust one another. When a relationship is balanced, you can rely upon each other and will feel equally secure in your relationship.
When a relationship is not balanced, one person may feel like they are doing most of the heavy lifting when it comes to emotional, financial, physical, and mental work being put into the relationship. This is what we call a one-sided relationship.
What Is a One-Sided Relationship?
A one-sided relationship is when one person is investing much more within the relationship than the other. They may be investing far more time, energy, emotion, and, in many cases, more money in the relationship than their partner is.
When a relationship is one-sided, it can often hint at an incompatibility. While this is not always the case, for many couples, when one person puts a lot more effort into the relationship, it can be a sign that one person is far more invested and has stronger feelings than the other.
Often, when a person begins the relationship as a very supportive and attentive partner, but the relationship becomes one-sided after a period of time, it can be an indicator that they may have lost interest. It may be they are not comfortable communicating their wants or hurts and they are shutting down.
How to Tell If Your Relationship Is One-Sided
There are some common signs and indicators that your relationship is one-sided.
You are always the one to apologize after a fight to move on
You feel you sacrifice a lot to make your partner happy
You carry the weight of the relationship in terms of choices, decisions, and plans
You have to initiate most things such as communication, dates, or activities
You don’t feel listened to or understood
You feel unsatisfied
The finances are not equal or fair
You often make excuses to others for your partner about their shortcomings
You feel physically drained from driving the relationship
You feel stressed or lonely
You lack self-esteem
Your partner often disappoints you
You feel rejected, unsupported, or that they don’t love you as much as you love them
What to Do
One of the biggest keys to fixing a one-sided relationship is communication. This can be difficult if there is a divide between you. Communication needs to be done intentionally without criticism so that they do not react and get defensive. Only then will you be able to talk through your emotions, explain what you need from them to feel supported, and try to find a solution. If the two of you cannot agree on a solution, being able to be heard and hear your partner is critical for moving forward together. Listening to understand your partner does not mean that you agree, AND with understanding, there are options to move forward connected instead of distant.
In addition, it can be beneficial to speak to a counselor for help. Our therapists who work with couples have all had Gottman training and can use assessments to spotlight areas of strength and weakness. They are also able to give you tools and techniques to deal with your issues in a way that you are heard and are able to hear your partner.
A one-sided relationship can be emotionally draining for the person taking most of the responsibility and putting the vast majority of the work into the relationship. In a balanced relationship, duties are shared equally so that both partners feel loved and cared for.
If you feel you are giving more in your relationship, doing more in your relationship, or that there is an imbalance, and you want to consider couples counseling, email us or connect through our contact page to schedule an appointment.