How to Navigate an Emotionally Invalidating Partner: Tips for Emotional Wellness

Relationships can be challenging, but when you add an invalidating partner, things can get downright distressing. An emotionally invalidating partner can make you feel unheard, unseen, and unimportant. As a result, you may begin to question your own emotions and doubts. Over time, this can lead to depression, anxiety, and other troubling outcomes.

If you have an emotionally invalidating partner, the following tips can help you navigate the situation and protect your emotional wellness:

Recognize the Signs

Invalidation can take many forms, including dismissiveness, minimizing, and outright denial of your feelings. It can also include changing the subject when you try to talk to them about your feelings or acting like you are being overly dramatic for expressing your feelings. This can be very hurtful and unhealthy for the relationship. Therefore, it's essential to recognize these signs and acknowledge that they are not normal in a healthy relationship.

• Examples of Invalidating Comments:

  • "You're overreacting": This comment invalidates the person's emotions and implies that their feelings are exaggerated or unjustified. It dismisses their concerns and can make them feel unheard and misunderstood.

  • "It's not a big deal; why are you making it into one?": This comment diminishes the significance of the issue at hand and suggests that the person is overreacting. It can make the person feel like their feelings and concerns are being trivialized.

  • "You're too sensitive": This comment invalidates the person's emotional response and implies that they are overly sensitive or unable to handle situations appropriately. It undermines their feelings and can make them doubt their own emotions.

  • "Just get over it": This comment dismisses the person's feelings and implies that they should quickly move on without addressing the issue or processing their emotions. It can make the person feel invalidated and ignored.

  • "I don't have time for this": This comment dismisses the importance of the person's emotions and suggests that their feelings are not valued.

Seek Professional Help

If the invalidation persists, consider seeking the help of a professional therapist or counselor. Therapy sessions can help you develop the necessary tools to cope with the invalidation and strengthen your sense of self-worth and trust in your feelings.

Set Clear Boundaries

To deal with emotionally invalidating partners, establish clear boundaries around the treatment you deserve and communicate them effectively. This can be difficult to do but is necessary for your emotional well-being. Ensure that your partner knows that their behavior is causing you emotional distress and establish what you need from the relationship.

Use "I" Statements

The use of "I" statements can help you communicate your feelings effectively and reduce the chance of an emotionally invalidating response from your partner. For example, instead of saying, "You never listen to me," try "I feel unheard when I try to communicate with you." Recall that a softer language approach can help soothe and prevent conflicts.

Remain Compassionate and Respectful

Despite the invalidation, it is helpful for you and the relationship to maintain compassion and respect towards your partner. You will likely feel a surge of emotion when faced with an invalidating comment. What others say about you often says more about them than you. If you act on your emotion in the moment, you will likely say things that you will later regret and probably feel added guilt or frustration.

If we don't act on our emotions,
our emotions act on us!

Reacting in kind to your partner's invalidating comments will likely only leave you feeling more frustrated and confused. It can be helpful to keep in mind that they may be going through their troubles, making it difficult for them to validate your feelings. Again, their comments to you and about you may say more about where they are. This doesn’t excuse or mean that you should continue to take these invalidating comments. You can make a point to validate their feelings while still expressing that you'd like your feelings to be validated and acknowledged as well.

Dealing with emotionally invalidating partners can be challenging. But, with the above tips, you can recognize it and better equip yourself to take the necessary steps toward healing and growth in your relationship. Remember, always monitor and prioritize your emotional and mental health. While not everything must be perfectly communicated, being open and expressing your needs is a positive step forward. With the right support and communication, you may be able to heal your relationship and foster emotional wellness for both you and your partner. Our therapists are trained to help you. Reach out today if you would like to schedule an individual or couples therapy session.

If you are facing betrayal trauma., parts of this may sound similar to gaslighting, which does use this for denial and blame. Our therapists are trained and have assessments to help you sort this out.