What Is Emotional Maturity and How Can You Tell Your Relationship Has It?
Emotional maturity is something we talk about in couples’ therapy a lot. This skill set is helpful in resolving conflict and keeping problems from becoming overwhelming.
This isn’t a skill you can get and have like riding a bike. It takes an active effort to maintain. It’s like a kind of toolbox you keep on you at all times, so you’re prepared for communication.
Self-understanding is not static. You are always developing and changing as a person. So is your partner. This is essentially the reason this skill set can make or break a lot of relationships. Because a lack of emotional maturity often leads to misunderstandings, miscommunications, and ultimately, fights with no conflict resolution.
What is Emotional Maturity?
Emotional maturity is, at its base, an ability to process, manage, and communicate your emotions. A person who has emotional maturity has a level of self-awareness that helps them cope in stressful situations. They approach conflict resolution in a tactical way and can also actively listen to feedback from others to find solutions.
Signs of emotional maturity include:
Flexibility: If you always assume things will always go according to plan, there’s a greater likelihood of high stress. Someone with emotional maturity can adapt to change and explore viable backup plans. They can deal with the change in the situation and move forward without letting disruptions ruin their time.
Ownership: If you own up to your mistakes instead of blaming others, this shows a level of emotional maturity. It proves that you can be self-honest and accept responsibility for your action. Someone who is emotionally mature can look at a situation objectively and create an actionable plan to do better the next time.
Resilience: Whenever faced with setbacks, someone who is emotionally mature can stay the course. They acknowledge their feelings whenever they’re upset. They use this self-analysis to seek opportunities to grow.
Does Your Relationship Have Emotional Maturity?
Having emotional maturity in a relationship means you can adapt, communicate, and overcome. It’s a tool you can use to grow with one another instead of apart. Signs of a relationship with emotional maturity include:
You Own Your Feelings
As discussed above, ownership is a huge part of emotional maturity. Understanding that your emotions are yours, and ultimately, yours alone, is an admirable trait for any partner. This means standing up for what they believe in and understanding when they might have hurt someone.
When they explain how they’re feeling, they do it by talking about how they feel, not what the other person made them feel. They own their thoughts and emotions so their partner doesn’t have to.
You’re Honest
Honesty is hard, but it’s important in maintaining a relationship. Even if the truth might hurt, it’s better than telling a lie. We build relationships on trust, so honoring that trust is pivotal to whether your relationship can weather conflict and change.
Someone who’s emotionally mature and on the receiving end of a hard truth can express gratitude for honesty instead of blaming them for hurt. They do their best to take the feedback seriously and see how they can adapt in the future.
You Know When (and When Not) to Approach a Conflict
One of the most valuable tools in the emotional maturity toolbox is tact. Someone with emotional maturity knows when they’re calm enough to approach a conversation. They can also pick up on the emotional cues of their partners. This helps them know when their partners will be receptive to the conversation and are least likely to become defensive.
Developing these skills takes time, and maintaining them takes intention to practice them. If you’re not sure that you have emotional maturity or want to improve the emotional maturity of your relationship, reach out to one of our therapists who specialize in couples counseling to develop or improve this foundation skill.