Rebuilding Trust and Connection: Breaking Free from Negative Sentiment Override
In the realm of relationships, our perspectives play a vital role in shaping our emotional experiences. How we perceive and interpret our partner's actions can either strengthen the bond or create a rift. One significant aspect of this dynamic is known as Sentiment Override. Coined by Weiss (1980), Sentiment Override refers to the influence of our overall positive or negative sentiments on our interpretation of our partner's behavior. Positive and negative perspectives impact our sentiments and, as a result, can impact our relationships.
Positive Perspective (Positive Sentiment Override)
When our perspective leans towards positivity, a beautiful phenomenon called Positive Sentiment Override occurs. This means that the positive sentiments or feelings we have about our relationship and partner override any negative actions or words they might exhibit. Instead of taking these negative instances personally, we view them as evidence of our partner's stress or difficulties. Rather than dwelling on the negatives, we tend to focus on the positive aspects of our partner and the relationship.
With a positive perspective, we become more adept at noticing and appreciating positive events and gestures. We accurately recognize the efforts our partner puts in and minimize any negative aspects, sometimes even distorting them towards the positive. Negative interactions can even be interpreted as neutral, as we choose to prioritize the overall positive sentiment in the relationship.
Negative Perspective (Negative Sentiment Override)
On the other hand, a negative perspective leads to Negative Sentiment Override. In this state, our negative sentiments and feelings about the relationship and our partner override anything positive they may do or say. We become hyper-vigilant for put-downs or negative cues, making it difficult for us to notice or appreciate any positive events or gestures. Our perception becomes distorted, leading us to see even positive actions as neutral or sometimes even negative.
In this mindset, we tend to minimize the positives and magnify the negatives in our relationship. We may even find ourselves rewriting history, diminishing the good memories and amplifying the negative experiences. It's important to note that this negative sentiment override is not a choice but rather a natural consequence that emerges when a relationship has been struggling for an extended period.
How Sentiment Override Forms
Sentiment override is a natural consequence of a lifetime of interactions and experiences in our relationships. It develops over time as we interpret and respond to various situations, shaping our overall sentiment toward our partner. Sharing insights about sentiment override is not meant to place blame or judgment but rather to raise awareness. By understanding the impact of our behaviors and reactions, we gain the power to consider how they can either help or hurt the relationships we deeply care about. This awareness empowers us to make conscious choices that nurture positivity and build stronger connections.
Nurturing Positivity and Overcoming Negative Sentiment Override:
Recognizing the difference between positive and negative perspectives brings awareness and gives us options for how we interpret our partner's actions. This influences our emotional experiences in the relationship. If we find ourselves in a negative sentiment override, it helps to take proactive steps to nurture positivity and restore balance.
Self-awareness: Start by reflecting on your own perspectives and emotions. Identify any negative sentiments that may be overpowering your ability to see the positive aspects of your partner and the relationship. Awareness is the first step toward positive change.
Communication: Open and honest communication is vital in rebuilding positivity. Express your feelings and concerns to your partner, fostering an environment where both of you can openly share your thoughts and emotions without judgment.
Gratitude and Appreciation: Cultivating gratitude and actively appreciating your partner's efforts can help shift your perspective toward the positive. Take time to acknowledge and express gratitude for the positive actions, gestures, and qualities your partner brings to the relationship.
Professional Support: Seek guidance from a licensed therapist or relationship counselor who can provide you with valuable tools and strategies to navigate challenges. Professional support can offer a safe space for exploring underlying issues and rebuilding trust and understanding.
How Sentiment Override Plays Out
In a relationship, minor incidents can sometimes have a significant impact, depending on our perspective and overall sentiment toward our partner. Let us delve into how such a small event as missing ice cream can affect the relationship dynamic based on positive and negative sentiment override.
Positive Sentiment Override:
In a relationship with a positive sentiment override, a partner coming back from the store without the other's favorite ice cream would be met with understanding and empathy. Instead of focusing on the negative aspect of the situation, the partner would try to understand why their partner could not bring the ice cream. They may assume that their partner was busy or had other things on their mind. Rather than getting upset or angry, they may choose to focus on the positives, such as appreciating their partner's efforts to go to the store in the first place.
They would likely thank their partner for going to the store, expressing gratitude for the effort, even if they didn't manage to bring the desired item. They could even make the best of the situation and enjoy an alternative dessert or a fun activity together, cherishing the time spent with their partner.
Negative Sentiment Override:
In contrast, in a relationship with a negative sentiment override, the missing ice cream could be a trigger for a negative reaction. The partner may take the situation personally, feeling hurt and disregarded, interpreting it as a sign that their partner doesn't care enough about them or their preferences. They may become angry or defensive and blame their partner for not paying attention to their needs.
The negative sentiment can even magnify the issue, leading to an escalated conflict. In such a scenario, the missing ice cream could become a symbol of much deeper resentment and disconnection in the relationship, leading to increasing arguments and frustration.
Creating a Nurturing and Thriving Relationship
As we can see, the way we perceive and interpret our partner's actions can be a reflection of our overall sentiment toward the relationship. A positive sentiment override fosters empathy, understanding, and a focus on the positive aspects of the relationship, whereas a negative sentiment override tends to magnify negative aspects and creates a tendency to blame our partners.
Our perspective holds immense power in shaping our emotional experiences in relationships. Recognizing the difference between positive and negative sentiment override allows us to examine how we interpret our partner's actions and feelings. By fostering a positive perspective and taking proactive steps to overcome negative sentiment override, we can create a nurturing and thriving relationship. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and with the right support, you can rediscover the love and connection you long for. Our Gottman-trained therapists can give the GottmanConnect assessment that measures sentiment override in your relationship. Reach out today to schedule a session.