Acting Out of Conviction vs. Acting Out of Resentment: Finding the Balance
In our daily lives, we encounter countless situations where we must decide how to act and respond. Often, we're faced with the dilemma of whether to act out of conviction or to act out of resentment. Understanding the difference between these two motivations is crucial for our personal growth and relationships. In this blog post, we'll explore the differences between acting out of conviction and acting out of resentment, and analyze what consequences they may have on our lives.
What is Conviction?
Conviction is the strong belief that a behavior is right, moral, and consistent with one's deeper values. This driving force provides us with a sense of certainty about our beliefs and actions. It is proactive and positively based, focusing on what we stand for. When we act out of conviction, we stay true to our deeper values, remaining more open to modifying evidence while being less susceptible to confirmation bias. Acting out of conviction can lead to a greater sense of integrity and self-satisfaction, knowing that we have adhered to principles that resonate with us.
What is Resentment?
Resentment, on the other hand, is a negative emotion rooted in feeling mistreated or wronged, manifesting as a desire to act against something or someone. Fueled by anger, contempt, envy, or disgust, resentment has deleterious effects on one's health and relationships. It is reactive and more negatively based, focusing on what we are against. This driving force keeps us trapped in a cycle of toxicity that feeds off negative emotions and entrenches us further into the situation.
Terry's Story: Acting Out of Conviction
Let's examine the experiences of 'Terry,' as mentioned in the 'Psychology Today' article by Steven Stosny, Ph.D. Terry struggled with his wife's alcoholism for years, resulting in a negative impact on their children's well-being. Caught in a pendulum of pain, Terry repeatedly considered leaving his wife but was held back by feelings of guilt and perceived failure as a husband.
Terry's journey to act out of conviction involved realizing that his deepest value was the protection of his children. With this newfound clarity, Terry made the difficult decision to take his children and leave his wife in hopes of prompting her to seek help for her addiction. In this case, Terry's act of conviction led to his wife eventually seeking treatment and the family reuniting after her recovery.
Had Terry acted out of resentment instead, he may have devalued his wife and harbored feelings of contempt, negatively impacting his children and disconnecting him from his core values. Acting out of conviction, although difficult, ultimately allowed Terry to make the healthy choice for both himself and his family.
"For" vs. "Against"
The distinction between being "for" something and being "against" something is crucial for understanding how conviction and resentment uniquely manifest.
When we act out of conviction, our focus is on pursuing a goal positively connected to our values, such as justice, fair treatment, or the well-being of loved ones. In contrast, when we act out of resentment, our focus is on rebelling against perceived wrongs or injustice, often seeking retribution or punishment for the opposing party.
While conviction fosters positive emotions like interest, passion, and joy, resentment breeds negative feelings such as anger, contempt, and envy. These contrasting emotions can profoundly affect our health, relationships, and experiences in life.
Conviction and Trust
When we genuinely act out of conviction, staying true to our values, we become better equipped to discern whether others are also acting out of conviction or manipulation. Acting out of conviction encourages sincerity and reduces the possibility of appearing manipulative because our actions align with our core beliefs and values. This trust-building dynamic is an essential component of fostering healthy, authentic relationships.
Emotions And Motivations
Navigating the complex terrain of our emotions and motivations can be challenging, but understanding the distinctions between acting out of conviction and acting out of resentment is vital for our overall well-being. By acting out of conviction and staying true to our core values, we can foster personal growth, strengthen our relationships, and create the life we genuinely desire.
If you and your partner find yourself acting out of resentment rather than conviction, it may be a sign that help is needed to navigate these complex emotions. Our expert couples therapists at Insights Counseling Center are here to provide the invaluable support you need. They work with compassion and understanding, encouraging open dialogue while guiding you towards healthier ways to communicate and act upon your feelings. Embrace the strength that lies within you, and let us help you rediscover the love and respect at the core of your relationship. Remember, it's not just about seeking assistance; it's about creating meaningful change. Reach out today to schedule your appointment with one of our dedicated professionals—your first step towards a more harmonious relationship and a brighter future.