Abstinence Contracts in Sex Addiction Recovery: Building Trust and Strengthening Relationships
Sex addiction can have devastating effects on individuals and their relationships. It can shatter trust and leave partners feeling betrayed and alone. If you or your partner are struggling with sex addiction, abstinence contracts may be a helpful tool in rebuilding trust and strengthening your relationship.
What is an Abstinence Contract?
An abstinence contract is a written agreement between partners that lays out specific behaviors that the addict agrees to abstain from. In the context of sex addiction, this might include specific sexual acts, visits to certain websites, or contact with certain individuals.
The contract is typically drawn up with the help of a therapist or counselor, who can guide the partners through the process of negotiating and agreeing on the terms. It is important that both partners feel comfortable with the terms before signing the contract.
How Can An Abstinence Contract Benefit the Addict?
For the addict, signing an abstinence contract can be a powerful step towards recovery. It demonstrates a commitment to change, and provides a clear set of guidelines to follow. By agreeing to abstain from certain behaviors, the addict is taking responsibility for their actions and acknowledging the harm that their behavior has caused.
A ninety-day abstinence period "allows addicts to learn how to tolerate their feelings without medicating sexually.”
- Dr. Stefanie Carnes, Mending a Shattered Heart
The contract can also serve as a reminder of the commitment the addict has made to their recovery. When cravings or triggers arise, having the contract as a reference can help the addict stay focused on their goals.
How Can An Abstinence Contract Benefit the Marriage Relationship?
For the marriage relationship, an abstinence contract can be a critical step toward rebuilding trust. By agreeing to specific behaviors that will be abstained from, the addict is providing their partner with a clear sense of what they can expect.
The contract can also serve as a way to start rebuilding intimacy and connection. By agreeing on behaviors that are permissible, partners can begin to explore healthy ways of being intimate with one another.
Finally, the abstinence contract can provide a sense of accountability for both partners. By agreeing to certain behaviors, both partners are taking responsibility for the health of their relationship. This can create a sense of teamwork and shared purpose that is essential for moving forward.
An abstinence contract can be a valuable tool for individuals navigating sex addiction or betrayal trauma and couples in sex addiction recovery. It provides clear guidelines and accountability and can be an important step toward rebuilding trust and intimacy in relationships. If you or your partner are struggling with sex addiction, consider scheduling a session with one of our CSAT therapists or CCPT, CCPS counselors about the possibility of creating an abstinence contract. Remember, recovery is possible, and you are not alone.